Thursday, November 4, 2010

On Paranoia...

... also, "Is it still paranoia if they're really out to get me?"  They aren't, of course, but I'm not paranoid that they are, only that they could -try-.

I live a paranoid lifestyle.  I don't pick up hitchhikers.  I move a loaded revolver into reach anytime I stay in one place in my home for more than a couple of hours.

When I'm walking about, I'm constantly evaluating risks, particularly at night; if somebody jumps out at me with a gun, I'll spray him with petrol, and explain he shouldn't shoot me or he'll start on fire.  (Okay, probably not true, but I suspect a would-be robber wouldn't know this.)  Or I'll just -KEEP- spraying him with petrol, if he has a knife; it's very hard to concentrate with gasoline in your eyes.

I palm my keys so I can use them as weapons.

 I own two wallets.  One used to be my "decoy" wallet, to fool pickpockets, but since then it's become my primary wallet, just because my primary wallet is a passport wallet and I've, for paranoid reasons, stopped carrying my passport with me.  I intend to buy a new decoy wallet and simply haven't done so yet.

(Now the weird thing is, I'm not the only guy I know who happened on the idea of a decoy wallet.  It's a surprisingly common idea, particularly among the kind of people I associate with; we're highly individualistic and self-reliant.  I've never known a woman to employ this, but then, most of them carry purses, and decoy purses are harder; yet another reason men's fashion is superior.)

I once punched a fake sword as somebody jumped out from behind a corner and play-swung it at me, in an attempt to scare me.

I shave with a straight-edge razor (technically a barber's razor, but you plebs probably don't know the difference); I keep it at hand in the shower in case somebody comes at me from behind the certain.  (Shaving tip: Don't use a straight-edge to shave pubic hair.)

The short of it is, I am -never- not on alert.  Life is a constant process of evaluating risks.

I've avoided being mugged as a result before; two guys were following me and a friend in New Haven, CT, at night.  We ducked into a store, they were still there when we came out, and started tailing us.  A loud conversation about how a mutual friend should have dealt with a mugger ended the tailing; if it hadn't, we were both prepared to fight.

I do not go so far as to stay perpetually equipped for battle; I will wear sandals, I will go places unarmed.  But I am always read to kick my sandals off if need be.

And I more or less regard this as not merely normal, but -proper-.  This is the way people should behave.

Preparation is the vaccination for violence.  If everyone operated like this, nobody would need to.

No comments:

Post a Comment